Yeah, me neither. So as a refresher, allow us to re-introduce ourselves. We are Mr. H and JC…and we are pretty pissed off most of the time.
Ladies (maybe?) and gentlemen (one or two of you), both JC and myself have left you as so many URI coeds have been abandoned…naked, shivering, wishing you had listened a little more to Aunt Doreen when she would tell you, in that gravelly, smoke-stained voice of hers, not to get in cars with strangers. For this reprehensible and unforgivable dereliction of duty, we apologize. For the forced sex, ruffies, oxycontin and wiffleball bats…we most certainly do not.
To say that the landscape of New England sports has gone through a bit of an upheaval since our last post (August 14th of last year) would be a disservice to plate tectonics everywhere. Our beloved Patriots cruised to a first-round bye through a 14-2 “rebuilding year”, only to throw out a dud in their first playoff game against Antonio Cromartie and his 52 children (that’s 106 feet Rex, not counting yours…yummy yummy). Our beloved Red Sox bitch-slapped the rest of the league in terms of roster moves, acquiring Carl Crawford, Adrian Gonzalez, Bobby Jenks, me and you, your momma and your cousin, too. Seriously, they bought pretty much everybody and have to be considered the World Series favorite heading into the season. And what of our beloved Celtics? Currently, the Green hold down the best record in the East and Ray Allen just passed Reggie Miller in career 3-pointers made about half an hour ago against the despised Mighty Ducks of Lakerheim.
New England has gone wanting for a professional sports title since the C’s win over the Lakers in ’08. As the 2011 sports season gets into full swing, a number of issues will help determine whether we can get back on the board. Fans of the NFL are currently being held hostage by the ongoing (and seemingly never-ending) dispute over the league’s CBA, a bitch-fest of epic proportions that threatens to exterminate both the 2011 NFL season and a shot at redemption for Brady and Co. Will Pedroia and Youkilis return healthy and productive to fill out a re-vamped Red Sox lineup, and can Beckett, Lackey, Bud Lite Head and The Artist Formerly Known As Okey Doke rebound from disappointing ’10 campaigns? While the Celtics appear like the team to beat when healthy, a litany of injuries has left them short-handed (both O’Neals, Delonte West,
Brian Scalabrine, and tonight Nate Robinson went down) and the eventual destination of a disgruntled Nugget could very well decide the fate of the Green.
One thing, however, is very much for certain. Ben Roethlisberger is no Tom Brady. Hahahahahaha, I’m not sure I can accurately quantify just how pleased I am that Pittsburgh lost to Green Bay. It was like what I imagine watching your first child being born is like, minus the mucus, the stench, and the shrieking. Oh yeah, and it’s getting increasingly difficult for me to dislike Mark Sanchez. Seventeen, dude? High school, dude? Can’t go to the club on a Wednesday night because she has a quiz in earth science first period on Thursday, dude? Good for you. No…fucking GREAT for you. At least Sanchez doesn’t have to drug underage chicks and get his bodyguard to block the women’s bathroom while he rapes them. Fucking rapin’ bastard. I really can’t believe Steeler fans can root for that guy. Whatever, he’s just going to do it again…
…it, much like our absence from this page, is only a matter of time.